I fell in love today...

I'm so glad that I didn't set a goal to be a consistant blogger because I am pretty awful at it, I don't even know how long it's been since my first post! I haven't felt motivated or inspired enough by anything to feel like writing publicly about it to be honest... until now.

I feel so inspired today and have to write it down because I fell in love... no not with a girl, not yet... (this post isn't quite THAT interesting I'm afraid!). No, today I fell in love with a musical... Les Miserables to be specific. While I was at work last week I came across the 25th Anniversary filming of the show on Blu Ray for £9 and thought "why not?". What an inspired purchase it was too!

Today I sat down and watched the whole 3 hours from start to finish with the sound up LOUD and I was totally gripped. I admit that I wasn't completely sure of what was happening with the story a couple of times but most of the time I felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster, I was totally unprepared for that, I really didn't expect to be so moved by the show and the music... Man, the music... WOW!!! An absolute work of genius. Why have I not watched & listened to this musical before?!? 32 years into my life & I have only just discovered how amazing this show is!!! I have been so deprived! I feel excited and uplifted by the music so much that I am now sat listening to it again, what a blessing it is to have music in our world! I HAVE to go see this performed live, and soon!!!

If anyone actually reads this blog and hasn't seen Les Miz for themselves then I absolutely encourage you to go do so as soon as possible, you will feel like you've been missing out, I know I do!

Anyway, that's it for this post, I just felt like I had to declare my new love for Les Miserables, I want to remember this moment, I love it when I discover something amazing so it should be recorded! I had to declare it, however inarticulately my declaration may be written! :)

The first one!

So, this is my first ever blog post, welcome to anyone who may have somehow stumbled upon this page and also to those of you who came here because you were invited, thank you for taking the time to come visit, now lets see how far into it you get because I might be shy & quietly spoken in person but I sure can ramble when I type! :)


I've been wanting to start a blog for a while but I've never really known what to write about or felt like I had anything amazing to say to anyone who may read it. Sometimes I feel like it's a little egotistical to think that people are going to be interested in my view of the world or my thoughts on a particular subject but I have come to realise that my thoughts and opinions are just as important, interesting and valid as anyone else's, there are people who are interested in me and occasionally I may be able to say something that helps or lifts someone else. Anyway perhaps sometimes it's a good thing to have a little bit of an ego...


So I guess that brings me on to the topic of my first blog, something I've been thinking about a lot recently... pride vs self confidence.


As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I often read and hear a lot about pride, after all, we read in the Book of Mormon that pride brought about the destruction of a whole nation and we are constantly warned against pride by our church leaders, we are told that pride is one of Satan's greatest weapons in bringing about the destruction of men and women on earth. I am personally convinced that this is all true, I have a firm belief in what I am taught by the church and I think that we should all try to avoid becoming prideful at any cost. What I do worry about though, is our understanding of what it means to be prideful and how by misunderstanding this term we can damage our self-esteem and the self-esteem of those we mistakenly label as the wrong kind of 'prideful' or 'proud'. 


So lets start at the definition of the word 'pride'... oh and by the way, I'm only going to discuss the definitions relevant to my point, those interested in a pride of lions might want to look elsewhere! :)


Pride:


1. a feeling of honour and self-respect; a sense of personal worth
2. excessive self-esteem; conceit
3. a source of pride
4. satisfaction or pleasure taken in one's own or another's success, achievements, etc


3 out of the 4 there look pretty ok to me, surely definitions 1,3 & 4 are alright aren't they? Of course they are! The kind of pride we are warned against is number 2, the kind of pride where we start to view ourselves as better than others, where we view other people as unworthy to share our time or our talents, where we view others as unworthy of associating with, competing with, dating, working or worshipping with us. THIS is the sort of pride that we should avoid, not only because religions or philosophies tell us to but because our lives and the lives of those around us would be so much better if we viewed each other and treated each other as equals. CS Lewis said "It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship. . . There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilisations—these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit. . . . Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbour is the holiest object presented to your senses.". There are no ordinary people... anyway, that's all I want to say about that definition of pride, I want to focus on the other three.


I get so frustrated when I hear people say "I know it's wrong to be proud but I couldn't help feeling so proud of my family" or "I know pride is a sin but I felt so proud of myself for getting <insert achievement here> done yesterday". 


I can't help it, it's a pet hate of mine, I get frustrated because actually this particular feeling of pride they are feeling is good, it's healthy to feel these things! There is nothing wrong with those feelings, at all! I worry that people feel like it's 'wrong' to feel a sense of achievement or wrong to recognise what you are good at, as if you have to go through life downplaying your talents and abilities because acknowledging your strengths is sinful. I once heard a group of people talking about how they didn't like a particular person because he was "arrogant", why did they feel this way? Purely because when asked, he would tell people that he is a good pianist and occasionally acknowledged that he was a decent singer... yep, seriously. Upon getting to know this person I discovered that he would never talk about being better than other people, he would acknowledge his faults and ways in which he needed to improve and he had no trouble acknowledging and praising the skills of others. So surely the personality trait mistaken for arrogance was high self-esteem, a good healthy amount of self-confidence, it was the others who were mis-judging him who appeared to me to be the prideful ones.


There is absolutely nothing wrong with recognising what you are good at! In fact I would recommend that everyone takes the time occasionally to look at them selves in a positive way, if you currently have low self-esteem then ask your friends & family to tell you what they think you are good at, it's good for you I promise you! I had a difficult period of about 10 months of unemployment last year where I felt like I was doing nothing but writing job application form after application form and visiting the job centre to no avail. I am grateful for that experience though because after writing so many good things about myself in all those application forms I started to believe them, I started to feel a lot more confident about myself and about my talents, abilities and skills, ("You know, like nunchuku skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills... Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills" - sorry couldn't resist the Napoleon Dynamite quote). Remind yourself of what you are good at, and do it frequently! When you have made an effort with your appearance before a night out, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you look good, there is nothing wrong with that!


As a Christian I have heard and personally believe that one of Satan's biggest tools is discouragement, he wants us to feel like we are nothing, that we aren't good enough or that we will never be worthy of the grace of God. By getting people to believe that being 'humble' means that you have to undermine your achievements, talents and abilities whenever someone compliments you he is achieving his goal of discouraging you. No one should ever put themselves down, or others for that matter, it is healthy to take compliments well, it is healthy to compliment yourself and think positively, after all as children of God we all have an amazing potential to be so much more than what we are. I appreciate that some people who read this may not be religious at all, and that's fine, I'm not going to get into a religious debate because you are entitled to your beliefs as much as I'm entitled to mine but whether you believe in God & Satan or not I think we can all agree that discouragement and lack of self-esteem leads to a miserable life, a life where we will never be satisfied or ever really truly happy or comfortable within ourselves. I believe that a positive attitude and high self-esteem are key to happy life, you need to learn to love yourself!


Of course it is also good to recognise our weaknesses and areas in which we can improve our lives too but we shouldn't let them knock us at all, just look at a weakness and say "Ok, I'm not very good at that right now, but that's ok because I can improve" or if it's a skill we just simply don't have then say "I'm not very good at that, but that's ok because I AM good at this instead!". We should always be looking at ways to improve because that keeps us grounded and keeps us from going towards that 'other' kind of pride, you know, the wrong one. I find that being positive about others also helps me to feel positive about myself too, help other people to see what they are good at, help them to feel like they have a high worth and celebrate their successes with them, don't insult people, even in jest because it will hurt them, remember the golden rule and treat everyone as you would like to be treated, everyone will be better off for it!


Anyway, I think I've sufficiently got that off my chest, I kinda feel like I'm writing one of those self-help books, haha. If there are mistakes with my grammar or my spelling is poor then I apologise but it is 4:33am, what a time to get the writing bug... If all this wasn't enough of a read for you then I can highly recommend one of my favourite talks given by one of the apostles of my church here: http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/pride-and-the-priesthood?lang=eng One of the best talks on the subject I have ever heard and clearly defines the wrong kind of pride and ways in which we can avoid it.


I'll be back with more ramblings as & when the thoughts come to me!


Peace & Love


Lee